50 Shades of Kink

Author:Tristan Taormino
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Cleis Press
Published: 2012-12-04T16:00:00+00:00

Orgasm Control

Imagine if your ability to orgasm was decided by someone else. If you like being at someone’s mercy, handing over control of your pleasure, then this kind of surrender may really appeal to you as a submissive. For dominants, do you like to take charge of your partner’s body and use sex as a way to control her? Orgasm control can take several different forms, each of them a different kind of sexual power play.

One very popular element of dominance/submissive role play is when the dominant requires the submissive to first ask permission in order to have an orgasm. It’s a simple, yet deeply symbolic act that says, “I control you. Your orgasms belong to me.” Some people write it into their contracts. Basically, the submissive must always ask the dominant’s permission before having an orgasm. Usually, the rule means that as the submissive is right on the edge of coming, he has to pause, ask (or beg), and the dominant can decide to extend or deny permission for him to have an orgasm. Creative dominants can require a task first (“Lick my boots!”) or administer ten strokes of the paddle before permission is given. Orgasm control is a ritual that not only reinforces the dominant/submissive dynamic but is also such a fun power game to play!

Speaking of denying permission, orgasm denial is another form of control—one that’s a bit more devious (and, yes, even sadistic). When the submissive asks for permission, your answer is confident and resounding: “No.” You can do it as a correction, punishment, or just to see the look on her face. Denying orgasm makes a submissive squirm, squeal, beg, plead, all while getting more turned on in the process. It’s a great way to take someone to the edge of climax, then flip the switch. You get bonus points for incorporating sex toys into this game, like vibrators, Kegel balls (also called Ben Wa balls), dildos, or butt plugs—since they’ll make it even more difficult for her to not come. It’s another kind of tease and torment sure to drive her crazy, where the reward—a much-anticipated orgasm when you say so—is even sweeter. Or perhaps the reward is delayed, a few hours or a few days.

On the other end of the spectrum is the forced orgasm. Let me start with a disclaimer: if your partner has trouble achieving orgasm, this is not the game to play. It could create tension, anxiety, shame, and fear, and that’s not what we’re after at all. But if your partner is reliably orgasmic, then this is another fun way to control her. Think of it as making your partner have an orgasm on demand. When you feel like she’s getting close (or she has told you she is, as instructed), you can demand that she come. Or you can put her in some nice bondage, then strap a vibrator to her clitoris, so she has no choice but to come. The dominant gets to call the shots, the

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